Have you ever been in a situation where you remembered a past event and wondered what if? Our life is filled with such moments where actions taken in split seconds, sometimes, result in life changing equations. Some of them we remember with joy and some in introspection.

It has been twenty one years since my father passed away. He was a father, a guardian, a teacher, a taskmaster and most importantly my friend. An ardent gardener by hobby and a physicist by profession, he had an innate ability to amalgamate everything that life had to offer and share it with his friends and family. As I commemorate him on his death anniversary today, I can’t help but recall the moment when I dropped him off at the bus station, expecting him to return two days later. As I waved at him in the rear view mirror, I didn’t realise then that it would be the last wave of all the waves we’d shared in the past. As the car sped further and further, I felt an eerie feeling fill up my stomach; a part of me wanted to go back and stop him from visiting his hometown. A sixth sense of sorts that kept reminding me of a danger but I ignored my gut not knowing that death lay in wait for him. What if I had stopped him that day?

Years later, while I worked in the United States at a Fortune 100 bank, my manager offered to convert my consulting position into a full time role. It was an attractive proposition but I declined considering the complications it would have created in obtaining a green card. Consider it fate but my green card application was declined a year down the line and I had to leave the country due to the expiry of my visa. Nine years of American dream was washed down the drain; just like that. What if I had accepted my manager’s offer?

A few days ago, I went drinking with my friends and our conversation at one point veered into decisions made in love. In an instant, I recalled the time when I postponed my return flight from Delhi to Bangalore to meet my high school sweetheart. It was a spring morning when I completed my visa formalities at the US consulate in Delhi and was slated to return that afternoon to Bangalore. I had already made up my mind not to meet her and was at the airport when she called asking if I would stop by. Despite every voice in my head asking me not to step out of the airport, I went to the Jet Airways counter and asked if they could accommodate me in the evening flight. They obliged. That meeting changed me forever; it was as if I recovered and faltered at the same time. The conflict that the meeting created and the mess that I created for myself there on still gives me nightmares. Had it not been for the support of my family and friends, I don’t know how I would have survived that fall. That brings me to question; what if I had ignored her call that day and boarded the afternoon flight back to Bangalore?    

Moments of sorrow are easier to recall than those of joy. Those who can think otherwise are truly gifted. And even though there are twenty four hours in a day, life changes in moments. The impact of the decisions we take in these moments can leave everlasting impressions. One cannot help but reflect on these moments once they’ve passed and wonder what would have been if we’d chosen the alternative path.

As far as I’m concerned, there are days when I’d like to believe in destiny and there’re days when I don’t; it has become a matter of convenience now. But I do sometimes dream with my eyes wide open and comprehend on how things would have shaped had I explored the alternate path. It sometimes opens the door for new meanings and new beginnings.