She had always been fond of sea shells; collecting and admiring the various shapes and contours in which they came. She mentioned to me one day of the correlation between the sea shells and the life she had lived.

She grew up in the historic city of Istanbul. A happy child to begin with, life’s torrential downpour of miseries hadn’t touched her until her early teens. Born to British parents, who found each other while vacationing in Turkey, Lara was a symphony of life and its revelations. Lara’s parents were teachers by profession. They had moved to Istanbul when Lara was two years old. They were mainly responsible for setting up the Istanbul International School with UNESCO’s aid. The school was like a second home to Lara where she would build her personal universe under the watchful eyes of her parents.

Lara was twelve when a storm swept the universe beneath her gentle feet. Her parents, while returning from a late evening school gathering, were shot at point blank by a few masked assailants. Investigations revealed that the assailants belonged to an extremist group that took objection to the school’s western methods of education. Even though Lara understood little about what extremism meant, she was old enough to understand death; that she would never be able to see her parents again. Lara had grown to be a strong and independent girl and she realized very early that she would have to face the undercurrents of life on her own from here on. Though Lara’s maternal aunt flew down from London to take her back, Lara refused to leave Istanbul. She couldn’t leave the memory of her parents behind and was determined to find out what took their lives away. She joined the boarding roll of the Istanbul International School and thus began a self-ordained struggle.

The adjustment from the comfort of home to the boarding school was not easy. Sleep was hard to come by in the initial days and there were nights when tears would flow incessantly; memories are hard to erase, especially of those you love. But she didn’t let the personal turmoil affect her rigor at school. The school staff did everything they could to cushion her blow and she slowly learned to breathe one moment at a time. As she grew older, she began to spend hours at the library reading about religion, history and societal frameworks. She began to understand how religion gave rise to human frailties and thus corroded a human being’s sense of purpose and belonging. Every now and then, she would go for a stroll on the beach and remember the time spent with her parents building castles and running behind the waves. Their death meant that she would no longer repeat those moments of innocence but they fueled the flame of their senseless demise. The expanse of the ocean would constantly remind her of the patience she would need to succeed in her struggle.

Upon finishing high school, Lara got a scholarship to the Istanbul University. She enrolled for a course in investigative journalism specializing in hate crimes. She chose the university to be her stepping stone into a full-fledged career by taking up live assignments whenever the opportunity so arose. In the three years she spent at the university, she built a reputation of a steely and fearless journalist who would stop at nothing to uncover the truth. She didn’t necessarily fight for justice but she would uncover everything that needed to be found so justice would take care of itself. Even when justice was hard to come by, she would find ways to tell the story as is so the people she represented would know the reason. She explained that sometimes, a reason is all one needs to reconcile and move on.

After graduation, Lara joined CNN Turkey as a junior field reporter. She had interned at CNN during her college days and had impressed one and all with her drive and diligence. Over the course of these years, she had managed to channel her loss to achieve a greater state of self-realization. She was able to dissect the why’s and how’s of human emotions at play in field situations and resolve conflicts. It was at CNN where she first met Jerry. A senior reporter who specialized in ethnic conflicts, Jerry was the antidote Lara had been looking for ever since she lost her parents. She was drawn to him naturally. Jerry took her under his wings and began a tutelage that would last several years. Jerry was well connected with CNN headquarters and was routinely given assignments all over the globe. Lara traveled with him to east Europe, Africa and South America and studied the religious and ethnic conflicts closely. There were times where she came across life threatening situations but she veered through them fearlessly. She continually amazed Jerry with her aura and poise in field situations and slowly Jerry began to let her take charge.

If it wasn’t for a strange dream that woke her up one night, Lara would never have realized how she felt about Jerry. In her dream, she saw Jerry being attacked by an angry mob and she woke up shivering. She was in Jerusalem that night, covering the fresh outbreak of violence at the Gaza strip. Drenched in sweat, she quickly made way to Jerry’s room. It was 3:15 in the morning and Jerry was startled to see her at his doorstep. When he opened the door, she hugged him tightly. That night she rekindled love that had gone missing from her life for over twelve years. The morning after, she opened up to Jerry about the life she had lived. Till then, Jerry had always been intrigued about Lara. He had often wondered what demons she carried within that drove her to the edge of self-destruction. The contrasting reasons in which they both joined investigative journalism served to lend perspective as they sipped their coffee and shared breakfast that morning.

Jerry, on the other hand had had a difficult childhood himself. Jerry was an orphan who’d lived with several foster parents before finding a loving family who believed he was one of their own. They gave dignity and sense of belonging to his life which he had missed during the formative years of his childhood. But the scars he received from the families who treated him indifferently gave him direction and purpose. Despite odds, he opened up to help those who had no support system to bank on. At school, he stood up to bullies and also protected others who couldn’t defend themselves. Feeding courage to those in distress slowly became his habit. Upon graduation in Mass Communications, he had a choice of handing media responsibilities in a consulting firm or joining CNN UK as an information analyst. His penchant for understanding conflicts and be the mediator guided him to pick the latter for a career choice. His first assignment was to cover the Yugoslavian war. Even though he offered to go to the field to report live, his boss declined citing his relative inexperience in the field handling situation of this scale. Thus, he pushed himself and spent midnight oil researching data from multiple sources. Humanizing the nature of the conflict and describing the war via the lens of an impartial observer was what impressed the audience reading his reports. One opportunity led to another and Jerry continued to excel in every field of investigative journalism. Thus, when an opportunity to lead the field work at CNN, Turkey landed on his desk, he packed his bags immediately without giving the idea two thoughts.

Jerry fell in love with the city of Istanbul the minute his flight began circling the aerodrome. The city had a rich history, a cultural flavor that he hadn’t experienced before. When he began work at his new office, he realized quickly that he would need a completely different skill set to succeed. He realized that he could no longer be an impartial observer and his opinion would be read out aloud, dissected and at times he would need to be prepared for a backlash, considering the sensitive cultural diaspora of Turkey. Jerry coped well with the pressure of his job and soon gained the respect and support of his audience. His column was widely read and commented upon. He was invited by the Prime Minister of Turkey to be a part of his entourage on his visit to the UK and US and was asked to lead the discussion on Turkey’s human rights situation.

It was when Lara joined his team that he felt the first spark of love. Till then, he had not awakened to the concept itself. He had read about it, heard his friends speak about it but never had he felt so strongly about someone. It was as if he found someone who mirrored him, felt like him and knew him, better than he knew himself. But he sensed the strange melancholy that Lara echoed from time to time. He never asked her about it because he knew he wouldn’t like to be asked about his own life. Therefore the surprise and relief he felt on that Jerusalem morning when he found her at his doorstep was evident in how he welcomed her into his life.

The new equations did not change how they dealt with their work. It only became a lot more engaged thereafter. With no secrets between them, Lara and Jerry found it easier to anticipate and leverage each other’s strengths to fight for a common cause. Within a year of their courtship, Lara and Jerry were married in a simple church ceremony in Jerusalem. Lara went to the beach that evening with Jerry to commemorate the memory of her parents. She had finally found a home to belong to. Not surprisingly, Jerry echoed similar sentiments.

Marriage changed Lara and Jerry for the better. Lara was able to free herself from the trauma of her past tragedy. For the first time, her work at CNN was no longer about exorcising the demons of ethnic violence. She started covering political events, participated in humanitarian causes across Asia, Africa and South America and added colors to her grey life. The hues of the sunrise and the sunset began to envelope and transform her world. Lara and Jerry began to travel the world in search of new beginnings. They had found a new purpose to live and they began in earnest by relocating from Jerusalem to New York. Lara quit CNN and started a foundation that worked with local schools in identifying children going through troubled childhoods. It especially focused on children subjected to situations of domestic violence and gave them support via counselling and shelter. While Lara got busy with her foundation, Jerry continued in his pursuit of truth at CNN. He now had a big ticket assignment as the editor of CNN New York and he had to learn the art of balancing truth with people in positions of power. He realized that change can only be brought about by maintaining individuality while being approachable in the corridors of power. Three years into their relationship, Lara and Jerry found themselves contemplating adding another member to their family. They were keen to see a toddler take tiny steps and on a chilly February morning, they welcomed Maya into their lives.

Maya forced Lara and Jerry to rethink about how they were going to balance their responsibilities towards each other and to their work. Maya yearned for freedom. As a toddler, she would resist everything that Lara or Jerry asked of her. She would refuse to eat, hide behind doors, crawl into dangerous corners and constantly agitate her parents. Sometimes, Lara and Jerry would wonder if Maya was their own child or if the hospital had made a mistake in giving them someone else’s child. Nevertheless, they continued to try to instill some sense of responsibility into Maya but it was turning out to be a herculean task. When Maya turned nine, Jerry decided to seek professional help for his daughter. He and Lara began managing their work schedules to take Maya to counselling sessions. But that didn’t help a great deal because Maya’s problem did not arise from any sense of insecurity. She was just an adamant child who wanted to have her way in all of her life’s situations. Lara feared that once Maya entered teenage years, their situation would only get worse and her prediction came true. Lara realized that Maya had a propensity to explore the dark side and began to keep a close watch on Maya’s activities. She stopped trying to reason with Maya and began to guide her instead. She told her about the repercussions of drugs, unprotected sex and gave her the freedom to make her own choices. Knowing Maya, Lara knew that her child would experience life on her terms and steeled herself to support Maya through her ordeals. Jerry argued with Lara about the approach she had decided to take but in the end gave in when Lara proved to him that there was no other way out of the situation they were in. They would fervently hope that Maya would one day understand the difference between freedom and the liberty of using it to one’s betterment.

On Maya’s sixteenth birthday, Lara and Jerry had organized for them to take a family trip to Istanbul. Lara wanted Maya to see Maya’s grandparent’s house and also meet Lara’s school teachers. On the morning they were to depart, Lara was surprised to see a note perched on Maya’s door that said ‘Going out on a biking trip to California. Sorry, can’t make Istanbul’. Flushed with anger and frustration, Lara was about to punch the door but she calmed herself. She understood her daughter’s penchant to live her life on her own terms and realized that she would have to let her do things her own way and that meant Istanbul would have to wait until Maya asked to go there. Lara quickly pulled out her cellphone and wished Maya a safe trip. She decided to celebrate Maya’s birthday in Istanbul with Jerry instead. Jerry realized the angst that Lara was taking on in bringing up Maya and quietly made his support felt. They walked on the beach, built a sand castle and made love. Lara wrote to Maya that night about how they welcomed her sixteenth’s birthday, not expecting Maya to understand or respond but just as a memoir that a mother wanted her daughter to have. To Lara’s surprise, Maya responded to her letter the next morning and told them that she was safe and would return by the time they got back from Istanbul.

Lara had an inkling that tougher times were ahead. That she’d given Maya the liberty to decide for herself meant that Maya would venture to make a few wrong choices. She braced herself to only cushion the blow. When Maya returned from her biking trip with a cigarette on her lips, Lara didn’t react. She expected some sort of rebellion to come through with the new found freedom. When Jerry objected to Lara’s stance, she assured him that the only way for Maya to quit was if she wanted to and that they would only have to enable the process somehow. Lara casually asked Maya the next morning if she’d tried any form of drugs on her trip. Maya, taken aback at how casually the question was put, replied in the negative. Lara sensed honesty in Maya’s response and was quietly relieved. But Lara lived in constant fear as to what to expect next. Even the years spent interviewing religious extremists hadn’t prepared her for this test life had thrown at her. When a middle aged biker came one evening to pick Maya up, Lara knew the next challenge that awaited her.

Max, the biker, was the new found boyfriend from the biking trip. Lara understood Maya’s need to explore and knew very early on that Max was only a metaphor. He would soon be replaced with probably a George, may be several years older, just to fulfill Lara’s curiosity. While Lara explored various facets of her personality, she kept up with her school work and was a straight ‘A’ student. The flip side to her personality was that she explored the positive sides of life also with a touch of disdain; which meant that she tried her hand at excelling at school and also explored mediocrity. Maya didn’t enjoy mediocrity and very early decided to be an excellent student. That she enjoyed learning was a constant source of encouragement for Lara and Jerry. They just had to build patience to deal with the downswings. Jerry understood that Lara was right in her assessment of Maya and continued to support her unflinchingly.                             

Upon finishing high school, Maya decided not to pursue collegiate education. She wanted to travel the world and told her parents so. Taken back by her decision, Jerry lost his temper and had a heated argument with Maya. Lara was quiet the entire time and did not intervene as she was already thinking about how to deal with this new challenge and what could be done to protect her daughter. When Maya began packing her bags the next day, Lara walked up to Maya’s room and gave her traveler’s checks worth fifty thousand dollars. When Maya pocketed the amount, Lara asked her to write to her if she needed more and that she stayed safe. Maya, for once, acknowledged her mother’s support through her exploration and shed a tear of appreciation. That was all Lara needed. She knew that she was winning her battle but there was still some way to go.

Maya took to writing about her travel exploits. She went from South America to Africa to Europe and then to South East Asia in the ensuing six years. She traveled by flights, trains & buses, hitchhiked at times and saw the world with her own lens. She made friends with locals, stayed in broken colonies, worked with them and tried to add richness and meaning to her life. She encountered a few life threatening situations at times but she overcame them purposefully. Every month, she would send a letter to her mother where she would account for the situations she faced. Lara would read the letters, cringe at some of the hardships that her child was subjecting herself to but shared only a positive vibe in return. She wanted Maya to find herself and she knew that Maya was well on her way.

Then, the letters stopped arriving. Lara waited in earnest for a few months expecting a new challenge from her daughter but her wait continued and became excruciating with each passing day. She didn’t know where her child was and was aware that any effort to launch a rescue would result in a dead end. She knew that her last letter came from Vietnam and she reached out to her local connections to find out if something had happened to Maya while she was there. Jerry was as worried as Lara and began questioning Lara’s approach to the whole saga. They argued a few times without fighting but eventually came to the same conclusion that there was nothing much they would have been able to do. Maya would eventually have left with or without their approval and all they could hope and pray now was for their child’s safety.

Their wait to hear from their only child had grown to eleven months and they were on the verge of losing hope. Maya’s twenty sixth’s birthday was approaching in a month. As Lara woke up and walked towards the kitchen on that snowy January morning, she screamed with joy. At the door was Maya with a handsome gentleman by her side, whom she introduced as her fiancé, Mark. She narrated her experience of working with Mark for the last ten months at UNICEF’s hope mission in Cambodia, rescuing children from human trafficking. As they sat down for breakfast, Maya gifted Lara her travel memoirs and asked her if they could visit Istanbul for her birthday. Jerry held Lara’s hand while she emptied her years of anguish.

Whilst in Istanbul, walking by the beach that Lara adored, Maya held Lara’s hand and asked Lara to narrate her story. She wanted to paint her mother.